“Dear Esha ma’am – My daughter is in her first semester of college. Since we come from a joint family, we thought she might have a hard time studying, so we decided to send her to boarding school, and it seems we were right. We visit her every month on the weekends. However, lately, she only complains about her roommates. She says her professors can’t teach, and that’s the reason she’s struggling. She also mentions that there’s nothing to do on campus and that no organization is good enough for her. Every suggestion we make is met with an excuse or a complaint. My wife and I feel at a loss for what to do next. This weekend, she talked about coming home at the end of the semester, but we told her she needs to stick it out for at least a year. My wife has personally asked her if there are any safety issues, and she reassured me there are none. She mentioned that she plans to finish the semester and then transfer to our local college. I believe she can get through this, but she either doesn’t see it or doesn’t want to see it. We have faced similar issues before; she often feels like a victim with everyone else being the problem—including us. Should we encourage her to keep going, or should we let her decide and figure it out on her own? I feel lost and would appreciate any advice.”
Dear lost parent,
Your daughter doesn’t necessarily need to stay on campus; what she really needs is a plan. Most parents have good intentions, but the reality is that everyone must confront the challenges of life. It’s always more effective to work on a plan together—one that includes her input. A solid plan should consist of a clear goal and a defined path to achieve it. It should include supportive people and resources that can help her reach her objective. Instead of forcing her to remain in her current situation, encourage her to develop her own plan. This can serve as a roadmap for her future. A plan is not simply about going home and figuring things out; it could involve attending a community college for a while, finding a part-time job related to her interests, and giving herself a year to explore options for completing her degree.
Sometimes, kids express their struggles indirectly. It may be that she has lost interest in her chosen subjects or feels overwhelmed. An article in Psychology Today highlighted that academic struggles are a significant source of distress for college students, with data showing that 39% of students feel hopeless during the school year. Additionally, she may just miss home and her friends. Being away from home isn’t the right fit for everyone, and it might simply take her some time to adjust to change. Have an open conversation with her and encourage her to devise a plan that restores her hope. In addition to seeking your support, she can also lean on counsellors, advisors, and even a therapist. Rather than pushing her to stay, help her come up with a new plan that suits her needs.